Friday, May 30, 2014

......QUICK VENT!!!

Ok, if you're a guy, and you bring a girl to play golf with you.........YOU PAY HER WAY!!!!

I have seen about 90% of the time, the girl paying by herself. Either one or the other pays for both...

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

The carrot on the end of the stick

Lets face the facts, all in all, golf is a Billion Dollar Scam. Much like pornography, which teases you into thinking how sexually experimental woman are, golf teases you on how easy the game is. To continue the comparison, people have a better shot, you get the point though, GOLF IS HARD!

So how does one really improve at the game? Well, its actually EASY! Yes, it is easy, as long as you have TWO VERY IMPORTANT THINGS.....athletic flexibility, and TIME...and yeah, a bit of humility. Humility is key. Like I said in a previous post, you have to be willing to SUCK for a while in order to get better. Physical things are different from more conceptual things. Like, learning 2+2=4 as opposed to a golf swing. Which is a misconception. There are a large number of people that feel their intellect, life style, social status will directly translate into their golf game. "Hey, I'm a hot shot at my company, I should be good at golf too". You do need some athletic ability, mostly flexibility. I clearly remember my coach telling me that you have to be willing to take a bunch of steps back to go forward. Also, this book called The Talent Code, talks about how we learn better and faster when we learn from our mistakes instead of hand holding through the process. You literally have to swing your self out of it, as long as you know the correct technique.

That is my view of improving, seeing a coach and hitting a crap load of balls.....simple eh? However, the golf industry couldn't disagree more with me. You need NEW CLUBS, and NEW BALLS, NEW SHOES and contraptions and DVDs and apparatuses galore. You have to have all these things and not a LICK of teaching to improve. Ive improved and the only thing you need to buy are alignment rods. Other than that, save your money. However, there is one thing I will tell you, if you have clubs over 10 years old, buy new ones. That is what I will say about that. It is worth the investment. But most players cant hit their irons anyway, because all they do is wail on a driver for 3 hours. Horrible way to practice. Your brain shuts down after a while where it is not learning anything. In order to get into "a groove" you have to do it over a series of days and weeks and not hours.

That is the other thing needed in order to improve, TIME and COMMITMENT. Not commitment in your mind by buying a bunch of golf publications and contraptions or thinking to yourself that you are good, you have to actually practice and play. Not only that, but knowing how to practice. Practice is not playing and playing isn't practicing......ok im getting off track..... but that costs money!

No matter what you want to do with your hobby, people have in their own mind a diluted view of their own golf talent. One that you will NOT find anywhere else in the world. Maybe soccer, maybe running, but definitely golf. No sport are there more inflated egos and views of ones own talent and the desperate need to indulge us with such talk. They feel the need to just go on and on about where they played and crap. Not interested. Who cares........ makes me want to punch them in the face. I went to Pinehurst, it was fun. That's it..... Im not going to tell you where I stayed, what I ate, where I took a crap, no one cares.

The PGA does a great job with their sanctimonious attitude about how great they are how great the game is and how they want to spread the word of the game. They are frauds. Not as much as the NCAA, but pretty darn close. $$$$$ that is what they want. They will be more than happy to teach  you and show you the ropes, as long as you're either a) special interest/protected class b) loaded 


Slow play is a golfer's as well as a course's worst nightmare. Nothing worse than playing a 5 hour round of golf. It's not the time that is the killer, it's the wait between shots. You can blame EVERYONE involved, and I do. I blame both the course and the player. But players are more annoying and fun to bag on.

Lets face it, most bafoons that are one the course on the weekend are just the worst to be around. They are, for the most part, high handicappers that are there for the conversation piece for the week to tell EVERYONE that they played golf. WHOOPIE DOO! Who cares. Also, they feel that their round of golf isnt just golf, its a five course meal with open bar. TAKE YOUR TIME! You know, woof down 3 hotdogs with chips and chug a few beers as if the golf course is their own restaurant reservation. Not only that, but im assuming that beer does the same thing to the golf game as it does to driving. Not good. When I play, i will bring crackers and water, THAT IS IT! That is all i need to play. I will eat AFTER the round. But since when does golf involve food and drink as if its a buffet. And saying "I play golf for the beer" is just BS. Such a stupid lazy comment. So you're telling me that you will not play golf unless you drink? Good, I will STOP serving alcohol just to stop these idiots from being on the course and slowing things up if that is what it will take.

Most courses will have pre-made lunches all bagged up and ready to go. Like a Grab-and-Go. No sitting for lunch like its half-time of the football game, you grab your food and GO! No ordering fancy burgers or 5 beers or whatever. There should be a two drink limit and premade only, if you want a specialty burger, you eat if AFTER! Like a normal person. I have a question..... while you're at the YMCA playing pick up basketball or slowpitch softball, or at the gym, are you WOOFING down 3 hotdogs and 4 beers while playing? NO! Bubble gum and water. THATS all you need to play golf, too. I understand that it is a revenue stream for the course, but lets get these guys going so they can eat after. And if they leave, thank God!

If you're looking for a social event, well, I dont know, maybe have company over your house with golf on the television like we did before we all built 20 foot high fences so the neighbors cant say hi or anything else that we my find intrusive. Normal people do that. Lord knows we dont want to talk to our neighbors. They might ask to borrow our lawnmower or weed whacker.

SIDE NOTE: You know what bothers me, the ONLY time we talk to our neighbors, is when we want something.. example? HALLOWEEN.  You never say hi to anyone on your block except when you want to show off our cute kids and beg for candy. I would be like, "you want candy? Whats my kid's name? Where am I from?" and if you cant answer any of those? NO CANDY......moving on

Unless you are a low single handicapper, you DONT know what club you should use on say a 175 yard shot. So, you go to your cell phone or Bushnell device to check the yardage, then you ponder what club to use. Nevermind the fact that you didnt hit ONE ball in the air to get to your present spot, BUT THANK GOD I'm 175 yards away, now I'm dialed in!!! And NO GIMME PUTTS! Nope! We just HAVE to line up our 5 foot putt for an 8 on the par 4. Gotta knock in that knee knocker!

Worst thing ever? Group-on's. Nothing screams "THIS WILL BE A 5 HOUR FRONT NINE" than a group on group. Usually involves people that DONT play golf often, or will bring people that dont even own golf clubs, but HEY, golf should be easy enough to just pick up and play right? Its just like Ultimate Frisbee.........

Monday, May 26, 2014

Golf has turned into a penis measuring contest.

Do you have a friend or someone in your life that when they hear a story or whatnot from you, that they quickly turn the focus of the conversation to themselves. For example I went to this restaurant last night and it was great. Reply from your friend: "That's nothing, my spouse and I went on a trip to the Caribbean and had passionate sex under the moon light and was given complementary dinner that night."

That is what happens when men talk about themselves golfing. They always feel the need to tell you about where theyve played and that ONE shot they made. Nevermind the fact that they couldnt break 100. So you went on a trip, to play a sport that you are not very good at. Dont give me its about the travel and playing other courses and all that crap. The truth is, you woke up that morning, with dreams of shooting the same 85 you shoot at your local muni at Pinehurst No.2. Nope, doesnt translate well. Honestly, I would rather spend that money and go to Europe to escape the game of golf. But ok, so you decided to go, thats good. END OF STORY. You went to Pinehurst, no one cares. You played TPC Sawgrass, still no one cares about what you played or what you shot.

How do you feel when you come back from a vacation, like France, and you tell someone all about it, then they feel the need to say " should have gone here. you should have done this. We did this....blah blah blah". Basically saying "i dont care about your vacation. Mine was better because you didnt walk bare foot along the French Alps in your underwear while drinking the wine that we personally made with the same barefeet." ------- YOU!

Its an instinctual thing. We just feel the need to put ourselves up over others because we just cant seem to humble ourselves, even in front of friends. Have you ever INTERNALLY, in your own mind, wanted a friend to fail? Thought so.......

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Big you own a golf hat!

People who wear golf hats everywhere are the lowest forms of life. Not so much in terms of who they are, but the pompous, self-absorbed attitude they have when they decide to wear a golf hat. As if to say "I love all things golf. I am a real golfer. I wear a Srixon hat. That means I'm a die hard, nonconformist."

Look, if you are at a bar, or anything that doesnt involve playing golf, leave the hat at home. No one really cares. The worst offenders are the ones that walk around with their HAT WITH BALL MARKER CLIP STILL ON THE HAT! Especially the ones at Fenway Park that have a Red Sox Titleist hat. Look, No one really gives a rats ass. So what? You like golf, so doesnt a BILLION other people in the world. Its so annoying.People who wear golf hats have this sanctimonious attitude about themselves saying "No one likes golf more than me! I love to walk around with a golf hat to show my support for the game."

You know what else is annoying, PEOPLE WHO HAVE THEMSELVES PLAYING GOLF IN THEIR FACEBOOK PHOTO OR TWITTER PHOTO. So dumb. WOW, awesome. A picture of your follow through on your way to shooting an 80. 80? Who cares, so your good....and still means NOTHING in your walk of life.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

How do you know whats wrong?

It's pretty obvious that golf is getting more and more popular. More people would LIKE to play it. More people think they can play it, and EVEN MORE people cant play it worth crap.

Newsflash: GOLF IS FRIGGIN HARD!!!!!

It requires more athleticism than you think. Flexibility, hand eye coordination and a bit of humble pie. Why the latter? Because the game is hard. Most accomplished golfers not only plan for the dart near the pin, but also where to aim if there is a miss. So what do people do about it? Lets by NEW CLUBS! Obviously that is the issue at hand. Its the damn arsenal of weaponry, not the swing tempo, the swing path or ball position....its the clubs. So we are told....

"Fix your game by buying these awesome new clubs!!!" or "Fix your game by buying these awesome balls" even better "Fix your game by buying this apparatus that you strap to your ass and shove it down your throat and it will read exactly what is wrong with your game". I'll tell you what is wrong with your stink. You stink because you only play twice a year....and you only play alone. But you buy crap loads of balls at the range and bang away with the driver and you put down your little alignment rods and you hit your irons and think you are awesome because you hit off of mats. But then when it comes to a nice tight on the fairway with grass, it either is chunked or skulled.

So here are some ways to improve your hobby:

1) Go into a lesson knowing that you are not any good and LISTEN! Listen to the guy in front of you. and take anything you read or watch on tv with a grain of salt.

2) Once you start your! PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY! My God this is what bugs me the most. Yes, you can go to the range, but how do you know it works? And dont give up after just one round. Play a few rounds A WEEK! Not only that, dont take a lesson...not play, not practice...then take another lesson. Because its useless and a waste of money.

3) Know that you will suck for awhile. There is no secret ointment. Your mind and body has to adjust to new swing habits. It happens to me all the time. Usually what happens to me is this.
New swing habit, first day is great, second day utterly sucks, then it gets progressively better. Dont know why, but it just happens.

4) Dont expect much within the YEAR. You have to understand that there is alot that not only goes into playing golf, but there is even more that comes with SCORING. You can play or hit the ball, but can  you score. Difference between and PGA Tour CONSISTENT scoring. You can play with the "worst" guy on the tour on some puny muni course and will probably score in the 60's but put them in a tournament they will either shoot 65 or 80, its all about consistency.

5) Know when to keep score and when not to. Honestly, Dont keep score, you will get more depressed or angry about that one shot and forget about the good ones. I will go a month and not keep score because the score to me is meaningless. I keep track of fairways and greens in regulation. In other words, focus on BALL STRIKING. It will all fall into place eventually.

6) Focus on the little things and not the big picture. HONESTY ALERT: I shot a 96 at the most recent US Open qualifying. Did I suck? Yup. But I took away some positives as well.

On the surface it WAS embarrassing. But on the way home i thought about my score and what i did right. I struck the ball well with my Irons, especially my long irons. Hence I parred all the par 3's and a few par 5s. But I couldnt drive the ball worth crap. It was the last time I ever used the SLDR driver. Just didnt fit me. but i got it because it was nice and shiny and totally discounted the fact that my RAZR-Fit was working just fine! Nope, i succumbed to the pressure of advertising and guess what happened. I sucked. Whats the point? The point is I can take away EXACTLY what went right and what went wrong. So the following weeks: I put back the old driver (working fine) and have been working on what I need to work on.

Hell, there are times, that I wont even use a driver. There are times I will go into a round saying "im going to work on my five-iron" So I will use my five-iron off the tee. Most places dont have 200 yards of recommended carry on holes, so you can get away with it. My 60 degree wedge is my 100 yard club. I worked on that for a solid week, and now i am so confident in it, i dont even have to worry about it.

So just because you see a piece of equipment that looks awesome, still might not work for you. And just because you scored a big number, doesnt mean that you are terrible. Just means you have to work on things. But, you wont improve on things until you attack these things and work on them. I admit, i went into it as an "acid test" anyway. Realized that I am not as good as I thought I was, but as my coach said "you are physically gifted to play. You can either throw it away and cry about it, or you can suck it, be a player and work on it".

So that is what I will do...............

...because you're not the only golfer in the world, good sir!

Ill preface this by saying that I rarely am able to make a tee time, since I golf by myself a lot. Not because I have no friends, but because most of my friends are married and have children so they answer to a moderately higher power :)

There is an epidemic on golf courses today. Its the jerk who not only wants to play by himself, but thinks that the golf courses financial stability hangs in the balance on whether this guy is happy or not. Newsflash; golf is a popular sport. You know who I'm talking about. The guy who RUNS to the clubhouse to check in, jumps over a baby carriage and pushes over two seniors just to check in ahead of them and RUN out to play by himself. Because we all know golf is a timed sport right?

I would argue that playing with others is good for you. Not only the social aspect of the game, which can be fun, but also improves your game. It improves it by putting some pressure on you while you're playing. Not only that, but when you go for your monthly lesson with your Pro (which everyone with a handicap over 10 should) you can tell him what is actually wrong. (That will be another blog coming soon). You know, instead of saying "i would like to hit the ball further". you can say, "I've noticed that I block my irons out (to the left for lefties and to the right for righties)". Nothing like putting pressure on yourself to see what is wrong with your golf hobby.

I also love it too when people ask "can we have a private two-some".
NO! You cannot. And there is a reason why you cannot just go out as a two-some unless its during the week and its empty. But on the weekends, NO, tough luck. you cannot because YES, you will play fast, but then you will just be on top of another group anyway. And on the weekends there is probably another group of four ahead of them. thats another thing......GOLF ON THE WEEKENDS IS SLOW!!!!!! Its just the way it is. All the people who think they can play come out on weekends, chug beer, drive around aimlessly with their carts, woof down food, fart and play 9 holes on 3 hours. So its your own kinds fault for it being slow. You have to make your tee times early and get there ON TIME!!!!!!! Its not our fault you planned something with your friends at 4 and you made a 12 noon tee time. Plan your life better.